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Frequently asked questions

  • What if I am not religious?  Does an ROP have to contain religious elements?
    No, but in our family, it does. The rituals provided in this book can be changed to fit the needs of your family.
  • How do I ask the boy to go away for a weekend together?
    Every child is different and will respond differently to your invitation. Since you know your child best, you probably already have a sense how responsive he will be to your invitation. If you anticipate resistance, enlist his mom or other adult he trusts to encourage him after your initial invitation, or invite him with this other adult present. For example, an uncle or grandpa might offer a few encouraging words such as, “that sounds amazing, I wish I had a weekend like that with my dad when I was your age”. This encouragement may go a long way with your son. It will also be helpful if you pick an activity that you know he enjoys. Most likely any apprehension would be around the two of you having “alone time” together. Emphasize the fun activity, as if the weekend would revolve around that as opposed to strictly a time to bond together.
  • Does the father have to organize the ROP?
    Ideally, the father of the boy should take the lead in organizing the ROP. Of course, this isn’t practical in every family situation. In some cases, it would be appropriate for a stepfather, grandfather, Uncle, older brother, or other primary male role model in a boys’ life to organize and lead the ROP for him. We do not recommend the mother of the boy lead the organization of an ROP. Of course, she should have input in the ROP weekend and can help to organize the event, but since she will not be attending the weekend herself, it would be better for another man of the family to take the lead in organizing the weekend. In some cases, it would be appropriate for a mother to ask a grandfather or Uncle to organize an ROP weekend for her son, if she desired.
  • Can a female role model attend a ROP for a boy?
    In our family, a female cannot attend an ROP for a boy. The reason for this is because the boy is turning into a man, and a woman cannot give a firsthand account of what it means to be a man. Women have written powerful letters given to the boy, and their unique perspective of what they look for in a good man is a valuable perspective that men cannot offer. Women, of course, can participate in the ROP event for a girl, which the men cannot attend.
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